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Has America Gone To The Dogs?

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Has America Gone To The Dogs?

Canucks take a good deal of pride in their hockey, beer, and cellular telephones (especially those Fido commercials about perky pet-owners who bear a striking resemblance to their posh- or pathetic-looking pooches).

By Thor Trewoofe Category: humor

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Canucks take a good deal of pride in their hockey, beer, and cellular telephones (especially those Fido commercials about perky pet-owners who bear a striking resemblance to their posh- or pathetic-looking pooches).

This weekend in Toronto, (the capital of everything BIG in Canada), theyre holding a weird and wonderful event, aptly called Woofstock, to celebrate mans best friend (the dog) and to push every imaginable product and service to pamper ones hip-looking hound.

The most fur-friendly towns in Canada are probably Dog Creek (British Columbia), Dogs Nest (Ontario) and Dog Pound (Alberta). Perhaps, the only place where they've actually waged a war over the issue of freedom for Fido is in Victoria, British Columbia. Elected officials recently passed a bylaw permitting off-leash dog perambulating and piddling, (with free doggie-doo-doo bags as an incentive for well-behaved pet-owners who care to stroll along the scenic seashore and tourist-trap trail known as Dallas Road).

If you don't think that America has truly gone to the dogs, then just take a peek at those nudge-nudge, wink-wink "bosom buddies" residing south of the 49th parallel.

No less than 1,086 geographic features (including airports, bars, bays, beaches, bridges, buildings, canals, capes, cemeteries, channels, churches, cliffs, crossings, dams, flats, gaps, glaciers, islands, keys, lakes, mines, oilfields, parks, pillars, post-offices, ranges, reservoirs, ridges, schools, springs, streams, summits, swamps, valleys, and wells) are dedicated to these blessed bow-wowing creatures.

It may be a "dog-eat-dog world" out there but judging from the plethora of pet-inspired U.S. place names, the most fido-friendly towns to hang out in are probably:

- Big Lick (North Carolina)
- Canine Gulch (Alaska)
- Dog Bluff (South Carolina)
- Dog Canyon Estates (New Mexico)
- Dog Corners (Maine), Dogs Corners (New Jersey)
- Dog Creek (Oklahoma, Kentucky)
- Dog Ear Lake (Florida)
- Dog Hill (Tennessee)
- Dog Pond (Arizona)
- Dog Hole Lake (Florida)
- Doggie Island (South Carolina)
- Doghouse Junction (California)
- Dog Island (Florida)
- Dog Island Corner (Maine)
- Dogpatch (Alaska, Arkansas, Arizona), Dog Patch (West Virginia)
- Dog Ridge (Texas)
- Dogtail Corners (New York)
- Dogtown (Alabama, California, Florida, Kentucky, Maryland, Maine, Mississippi, New England, New York, Pennsylvania, Tennessee)
- Dogsboro (Georgia)
- Dog Walk (Illinois, Kentucky)
- Dogway (West Virginia)
- Gnaw Bone (Indiana)
- Licking (Mississippi)
- Mutt (Virginia)
- Paw Paw (Illinois)
- Poocham (New Hampshire)
- Tick Bite (North Carolina)
- Township of Dog Ear (South Dakota)

Americans currently spend close to $34 billion annually on their pets. While ornery owners sometimes find themselves in the proverbial "doghouse", millions of mischievous mutts and misbehaving mongrels enjoy a life of ease as someone's favorite "animal companion".

It is estimated that 64.5% of American adults are now categorized as overweight according to the American Asssociation Obesity. As if that's not enough, more than 40% of household pets today are said to be obese, causing alarm among the nation's pet-insurance providers as health-related illness claims for "Max" or "Minnie" spiral out of control.

According to Amazon.com, (a remarkable database of delightful doggie doodads for canine consumers), there's something for everyone who enjoys a bit of "Rufus retail therapy". Forget about "letting sleeping dogs lie", or "teaching old dogs new tricks", because if one's keen about making sure "every dog has his day", then "putting on the dog" is all that's required (plus a valid credit card of course).

In case anyone thought that America is canine crazy or simply going to the dogs fast, they could be right! Heres a hint of how important these pooch products and dandy dogs of all kinds are to the economy of the worlds richest country:

Home & Garden (48,579)
Books (19,991)
Apparel (6,870)
Kitchen & Housewares (1,110)
Tools & Hardware (898)
Sports & Outdoors (804)
Outdoor Living (678)
Jewelry, Diamonds & Watches (543)
Video (424)
Automotive (300)
Health & personal Care (295)
Toys & Games (262)
DVD (182)
Gourmet Food (158)
Everything Else (154)
Electronics (151)
Classical Music (139)
Office Products (101)
Software (91)
Musical Instruments (55)
Magazine Subscriptions (40)
Computer & Video Games (33)
Computers (21)
Baby (21)
Imaginarium (20)
Camera & Photo (3)
Beauty (2)
Wireless Accessories (2)
Movie Showtimes (1)
Restaurant Menus (295)
Industrial Supplies (279)
Lifestyle & Gifts (140)
Arts & Hobbies (139)
Scientific Supplies (85)
Home Furnishings (49)
Medical Supplies (47)
Free Music Downloads (28)
ZShops (14,904)

Meanwhile across the pond in England, professionals from "PetPlanet" point out that one insurance company has collected file cabinets of doggy data about which mutts have the highest accident-rate. So do take care and avoid naming the silly scamp Rush, Fagin, Heinze, Berty, Ruskin, Jena, Cagney, Captain, Brook, or Radar please.

Lest anyone think that life has not gone to the dogs, one only has to read the anecdotes of Aesop (whom it seems had a penchant for pooch platitudes judging from his wildebeest works entitled The Dog in the Manger, The Dog and the Wolf and The Fox, The Cock and the Dog).

May the Force of Fido be with you and yours forever and ever! PS...and don't forget to celebrate the 55th anniversary of "Snoopy" (the best-known, blinking beagle in town) plus all the gang from "Peanuts" cartoon strip this year!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Thor Trewoofe, a glad-handing globe-trotter with a keen interest in those virile vikings who once ruled the world of whacking, whomping, and perhaps far too much whoopdedoing for their own good, and an accidental tourist in the Court of the Quipping Queen at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com

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