The Back Passage!

Following is an excerpt from The Trivial Times .

By Seamus Dolly Category: humor

Submit your Articles Here!
Subscribe to Articles! Get new articles everyday for your favorite subjects!! - www.Amazines.com
Related Articles

Following is an excerpt from The Trivial Times . It is set in a newspaper/browser setting. It is a column by an "expert" in historical matter, hence the title. Some consideration must be made for the many memory inconsistencies of Mick Savage. He does his best!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mick here.
It was a long, long time ago. Sweden, North Europe, Scotland, Ireland, North America and Canada were part of the same mainland. This mainland existed before the crustal plates separated, and before the Atlantic came into being. To give you a reference point in history, my great grandfather was just a young man.

I remember with joy, the historical accounts he impressed on us, as we ate around a primitive butane barbeque. To clarify that, we sat around it eating, rather than eating the grass and sundry bushes around it.

Well, he told us with crystal clarity how he used to cycle from Canada to Sweden in five hours, with no more than one puncture repair kit, and a bicycle, presumably. He didn't have to tell us every single detail!

The roads at the time, weren't much like the motorways/highways of today. Instead of the quartz and limestone impregnated asphalt of today, they had a simple sandstone. Incidentally, this was readily available from Japan which was only a few hundred yards away, at the time. Punctures were common place and both courtship and commerce were reliant on a high performance repair kits.

On one particular day, I recall him saying, he went for a cycle to discover new continence continents, and ended up in Venezuela or something. Feeling peckish (understandable after an eight hour cycle against the wind ), he went into a burger joint. He often remarked "Burgers in Venezuela invariably have more grissle (cartilage, in English ) than venison in Boston (American, in America )".

I'll never forget his adventurous accounts of punctured rubber, mutilated beef, and Brazilian bicycle clips!

How would such an adventurer find time for my great grandmother to be, you might well ask? Well, she had a few bucks behind her, and some clever measures were needed to guarantee possession (old word for love ). Wait until you see the genius of this globetrotter/globepeddler, depending on air pressure status within the inner-tube.

In a bid to "mask" the stench of sweat (essential for long distance ), he used a "primitive talc" powder, or "de-odorant dust". By inverting his bicycle and hand peddaling it, he was able to make dust out of any material by pressing it against the high-speed spokes. The material he chose was similar to what we know as conventional coal/graphite/carbon.

Hence, the term "CARBON DATING" was coined.

While a little messy, he invented a perfect product to "soak" the "SOUP of ADVENTURE".
As with any back passage, more material will be forthcoming. Thanks for your understanding of times past, however trivial, Mick Savage.
adventure@thetrivialtimes.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR