What sorts of messages does your body language usually send to others? Does your body language encourage other people to approach you? Or do you frighten them away?
If you usually stand or sit with your arms folded across your chest, do you think this posture encourages others to come and talk to you? Most people will interpret your arms crossed in front of your chest as a signal that you don’t want anyone to approach you. Only the bravest souls are likely to come forward when you adopt this posture.
If you stand awkwardly, with your chest slumped forward, your shoulders drooping, and your eyes avoiding everyone else, people are likely to decide you are very depressed or completely lacking in confidence. They may fear that trying to talk with you will be an awkward experience because you do not project any sign that you are confident in yourself, or that you have any interest in the people around you.
No matter how desperately you want someone to come over and befriend you, if your body language projects awkwardness or disinterest in others, it’s not very likely that many people will try to start a conversation with you.
If there are body language signals that can frighten people away, are there signals that will encourage people to come forward and approach you? Yes, there are measures you can take to increase the perception that you are open, approachable and non-threatening. You can practice these gestures in front of a mirror in the privacy of your own home until you are able to easily project the look of a person who is friendly, confident, and approachable.
Whether you are sitting or standing, aim for a posture that is upright and alert, yet relaxed. If you notice that your chest or shoulders are slumping, straighten up.
Become aware of the way you are breathing. Does your breath move in and out smoothly? Or does it move with jerky little stops and starts? If you notice that you are holding your breath, or breathing in a jerky manner, this is a sign of anxiety. If you are breathing shallowly, using only the top part of your chest, you are not taking in enough air. When you breathe shallowly, you have to breathe more frequently, which can increase your appearance of nervousness. Use your abdomen to help you breathe smoothly and deeply in a relaxed manner. Let the bottom part of your lungs fill up with air as well as the top.
What are you doing with your hands? If you get nervous in social situations, you may feel that no matter what you do with your hands, it’s the wrong thing. Many people who cross their arms in front of their chest are probably doing so at least in part because they don’t know where else to put their hands.
Don’t cross your arms in front of your chest unless you really don’t want anybody to approach you. That is the message this gesture sends out. If you want to look more open and approachable, keep your arms to your sides, or put one hand in your pocket. If you want to hold something in one hand, keep your hand at the side of your body, not in front of you. Holding your arm in front of your body can send a subtle signal that you want to defend yourself against the approach of others.
Stay aware of and focused on your surroundings and the people around you. If you find yourself tuning out your surroundings, you will start to focus too much on your negative inner sensations and thoughts.
What sort of facial expression should you have if you want people to approach you? In most cases, a gentle, pleasant smile should do the trick. Too much of a smile that never softens can look forced and nervous. A pleasant smile with a twinkle in your eyes will help to convey the impression that chatting with you will be a pleasant experience.
This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" Check it out at http://www.royanereal.com
