Can You See The *Good* In Good-byes? http://www.tameyourbrain.com

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Can You See The *Good* In Good-byes? By Jan Tincher

Can you see the *good* in good-byes? Many people can't. They don't realize that nothing is bad or good, but thinking makes it so. Do you?

Here's an example:

A person is leaving. You are about ready to say your good-byes. What you *see* in the leaving determines your *tomorrows.* If you can't see the good, what are you seeing? The bad? Right. And what are you showing the person leaving? Certainly not the good, if you're thinking the bad. Now . . . both of you are upset. Do yourself, and those around you, a favor. Learn to take charge of your thoughts.

Here's one way to do that:

A son or daughter is leaving for college. Look at this scenario: The family is solemn, helping their son/brother pack the car for college. Now, the car is packed, they've said their good-byes, and are watching as his tail lights disappear down the street. A sad look is on their faces, because, for a few minutes, they are sad. Suddenly, they realize he is actually gone. They all rush into the house, each with a different purpose in mind! They had told themselves that they wouldn't begrudge him going to college. He's gone, now they would look toward the future. You can see their thoughts. *The mom gets a new sewing room!* *The dad gets to use the computer more!* *The teenage daughter gets to have the upstairs bathroom all to herself!*

Now, that is progressive -- and healing -- thinking.

What is NOT progressive and healing thinking is continually thinking about how much they will miss him. They will, of course, but they will have compensation. Their son is going on to a better life. His future is great. It's not like he's gone forever, and there is nothing they can do, or would want to do, to stop his progress. They will be helping him by helping themselves.

Here's the other side of the coin. They didn't see the *good* in good-bye. They moped and missed him, built their life around what they were missing, and years go by before they realize that they had put their life on hold for a person who was really never coming back to the same life they had known and loved.

Look at both scenarios. There really is some *good* in good-bye. All we have to do is take control of the situation and look forward to handling it beautifully. If we don't, we are letting the situation take control of us.

Why not prepare for these situations? Why not, say, plan on moping and missing the leaving loved one for a designated period of time -- like one hour, OK, maybe a day -- THEN get on with your lives so you will have plenty to share with them when they come back.

Why not, every time you start to miss him or her, retarget your thoughts to all the good things that person is accomplishing with his or her life.

Realize now that you'd probably better start accomplishing things, too, or you won't have anything new to share with your loved one that is away growing and learning. Meet the challenge head on, show your son or daughter, by example, how to act when one has to *let go* of someone they love. They are always learning from us.

~~~~~~~~~ Copyright 2003, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide ~~~~~~~~~

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